Now I Understand......

I used to read posts on adoption message boards where Moms would rant about strangers asking them too many questions about the adoption or about being offended by certain questions. I used to think they were a little too sensitive and I do still believe that some people are too sensitive.

However, we've been home 7 months and I am starting to understand. Most of the time I am more than happy to talk about the adoption. I love the story. I love our son. I love to share. But now my son can hear and understand. Sooooooo......I don't want him to hear things that might make him feel badly. I love answering questions, but now I would rather do it out of earshot of my children unless it's something like, "Who cuts his amazingly cute hair?" (His Momma) or "How can you stand to be around that much cuteness?" (it's hard but we manage).

Another thing is that I now have 2 children to keep track of. My life is full and wonderful, and  sometimes a bit frantic. So when I only have 10 minutes to get in and out of the store, a 25 minute conversation about adoption is just not possible. It's really a difficult balance because I really do want to share the beautiful story. I guess I wonder if it is ok for me to sometimes say, "It's a great story but it'll have to wait til another day since I'm busy buying cheese and lunch meat right now."

The hardest of all are questions that make me feel a little ill.

Can you imagine going up to a complete stranger and saying:
"So how much did the OB visit copays cost you and how much was your c-section?"
"Your child doesn't really look like you, are you sure they're your real kid?"
"So why did you decide to get pregnant when there are so many kids in foster care?"
"My son's cousin's aunt's granddaughter's best friend's neighbor got pregnant and had a baby once and they turned out to be an alcoholic and had learning diabilitites. But I am sure that would never happen to you...."

Yeah, I don't like those questions from strangers either. For the record, we may not have a mini van but we have a beautiful son, a wonderful adoptive support system, and a trip of a lifetime to China.
He is my "real" kid. He is not fake. He is 100% real and I am 100% real. So we are 100% family. But no, we don't know his biological parents. Every child needs love. Africa. China. Florida. Babies we give birth to. Babies in our communities that are loved by "aunts", "grandmas", friends, teachers, nurses. We're just called to love them. Every person in life faces challenges. Our bio daughter faces risks just like Caleb does. We will love them both no matter what. At least now Caleb has a loving family to face those challenges with.

Fortunately for me, I don' hear insensitive questions very often and it's really only when strangers ask them that I feel weird about it. But, people I meet are usually very kind. I know that even people that ask questions that seem insensitive are usually just curious. But sometimes people's questions catch me off guard and I need grace to show love in those circumstances.

Thanks for letting me vent. I had a difficult encounter at the SS office today that left me almost in tears. To my friends, please ask away. Just remember that Caleb knows English now. : )