The Fanning Four

Sometimes you look back on a year and think, "Phew, we made it!" 2011 is that kind of year and I am tired. But my heart and my home are full of love and joy. This precious girl started out her year with surgery, having her adenoids removed. She continued to struggle with asthma most of the winter and spring until we discovered allegra, got her off regular milk, and bought new couches. Now, she has been pretty healthy for months. She turned three in July and has been an absolute joy. She rarely gets in trouble, eats much better, has a huge imagination, is really understanding so much about God, and constantly make us laugh. She's quite the gymnast too and goes to gymnastics twice a week. She loves to play with baby dolls, do our hair, play dress up, run around outside, and has discovered the fun of computer games. She can say her ABC's but she gets tripped up on the letter "h". She can count to 13. She knows her address. She can sing a lot of different so...

Remember how Caleb climbed out of his crib two days after we came home from surgery? Yeah....good times. So, in order to keep him from getting too upset (in case he might start bleeding again and require another call to 911), we have spoiled him. He has been sleeping in our room with one of us each night. He falls asleep holding my hand. He hasn't shown any signs of bleeding in a while, so guess what's going up this weekend? THE BIG BOY BED! So, if you hear screams coming from my house next week, don't worry. Everything. is. under. control. I tried putting him on his crib mattress in our room last week. I even stayed with him. The phone rang. It was China. They asked, "What are you doing to poor Caleb? We can hear his screams all the way over here." Better go find those ear plugs........

On one of my trips to Nicaragua, we went to the city landfill to visit the people who work scavenging what they can find in the landfill. They live among running sewage. There is the stench of burning trash constantly. They live in places that make our kids' cardboard forts look like mansions. They are hungry, they are sick. They are desperate for hope. While I was there, I met a family that I will never forget. The Grandmother gestured to her daughters and grandchildren (dressed only in soggy diapers) and said to us; "I know you didn't ask, but these children, they only eat once a day." So, it goes without saying that it has been a rough month and a half for our family. But perspective is everything. I had mono, strep, and supposedly Lyme Disease but I have a husband who can take off work and still get paid. Caleb's surgery and recovery has been exhausting, challenging, scary, frustrating, and disappointing. For those who aren't on my facebook- he devel...

Hi neglected blog friends, Most of my readers already know everything from facebook but I didn't want to totally neglect those of you from other places that read. So, for you, I give you this post. Caleb is doing marvelous. He stays in childcare and with babysitters sometimes and there's no trauma or drama (most of the time). He drinks from a sippy cup (without the no spill plug). He can sign about 10 words. He pretends to read and makes sounds when he does. He's much more stable when he walks. He is enjoying playing on playgrounds. He is sleeping well. He still has some days where he has fits of crying and he gets easily overstimulated by new situations (and he is still terrified of elevators). But overall, we're so pleased with how he's doing. His surgery for his palate and tubes is coming up on Tuesday. Bethany is also doing well. Sometimes I forget she has asthma because she's been so well this year! We've made a lot of changes in our house, some i...

21 Questions- Bethany Fanning, October, 2011, 3 years old 1. What is something Mommy always says to you? Daddy always comes back. 2. What makes Mommy happy? That I can go to school by myself 3. What makes Mommy sad? Not doing anything happy 4. How does Mommy make you laugh? Swing me really high 5. What was Mommy like as a child? Laughing 6. How old is Mommy? 4 7. How tall is Mommy? Really big- puts hand up in air 8. What is Mommy's favorite thing to do? Take a shower by herself 9. What does Mommy do when you're not around? Clean up 10. If Mommy becomes famous, what will it be for? being on TV 11. What is Mommy really good at? Swinging me 12. What is Mommy not very good at? counting 13. What does Mommy do for her job? Get ready 14. What is Mommy's favorite food? Chicken 15. What makes you proud of Mommy? Pushing me really high 16. If Mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be? Cinderella 17. What do you and Mommy do ...

Yesterday was Caleb's big day at Shands with the craniofacial team. We saw at least 9 different team members plus about 25 students/residents. It was a long and overwhelming day. But a good one! Some of the things we learned: We're in good hands at Shands- we felt very well taken care of and we are happy fo far with the information we've been given. Caleb is not hearing very well but it is most likely due to the fluid build up in his ears (very common in cleft kids, and kids in general for that matter). He will get tubes during the palate surgery. It doesn't look like the cleft is associated with any syndrome. He has moved from indiscriminate attachment (he used to reach out to strangers often) to insecure attachment (he's still afraid we will leave him and does not want us out of sight). This is a step in the right direction. He has all of the teeth he is supposed to have- this is very good news! His drooling is from teething, not from the cleft. He will ...

Please, oh please, go read this blog post: After the Airport I have read it multiple times in the past week or so since a friend sent the link to me. It is everything I need to say but haven't been able to put into words. Today, I scooped my screaming son up off the floor of our church activity building today. I had put him down just a second too long and he began to fear we would leave him. The terror I see in his eyes when he thinks we're going to leave him is not a terror I am used to seeing in children's eyes. He won't even let the Publix bag boy push him in the cart with me right there. Although we have made great strides in three months, we still have a long way to go in this journey. It's hard but I know it's worth it.

The other day there was music playing in our house. Caleb came up to me, reached out and grabbed both my hands, pulling me to my feet. He was asking me to dance with him. If my hair falls in my face, he will brush it out of the way. He knows the words "hug" and "kiss" and will give them and receive them freely. He turns towards me instead of away from me when I rock him before bed. He looks me in the eye and touches my nose, my mouth, my cheeks. He tries to get me to laugh with funny facial expressions and begs me to tickle him. This is the beauty of adoption. This little boy, my son, gets the joy of falling in love with a Momma. And this Momma gets to fall in love with that boy.

I joined the addictive Pinterest and was inspired to makeover our laundry room. I have been going one room at a time through our house, organizing and getting rid of things. The laundry room was on the list. I got some ideas of Pinterest and got to work, I am so happy with the results! Before: After: 

"...Because we can't be naked at the dinner table." "We do not ever staple people." (Please note- no one actually got stapled in this incident.) "Why is there a trail of peanut butter on the floor of the play room?" "He's bleeding. Tom, he's bleeding, he's bleeding!!!" (ended up he bit his lip and he's just fine now) "Keep your hands off of the oven." "Do not touch the oven." "Ovens are hot, we don't touch them." "Please do not open the dishwasher while it is on." "We don't touch the dishwasher." "Leave the washing machine alone." "No, we don't touch the washing machine." "Keep your hands off the washing machine." "Keep your shoes out of your mouth." "Why is she holding a nail in her hand?....."It's not a nail, it's a screw."  "Please get the frog out of the house." "You need to ...

Caleb's Manual for Eating Corn: 1. Pick up one kernal of corn with hand. 2. Bring kernel to mouth. 3. Remember that you want to use the utensils and take the kernel away from your mouth. 4. Place the kernel on the fork or spoon- whichever you prefer at the moment. 5. Start to bring the utensil to your mouth- at this point the kernel will fall off the utensil. 6. Put kernel back on utensil. 7. Successfully get it in your mouth and chew. 8. Repeat. Sometimes lunch takes a long time.....

Yesterday Caleb slept in his room, in his crib for the first time ever and he did really great. Minimal crying. He woke up at 3:45 am and joined us in our room, but that's great for a first night. There's no manual for how to do things "right" when it comes to kids (adopted or bio). It's been almost 2 months since we got him, he's adjusting great, getting taller, and needs to get out of the pack and play, and our room. So, I just decided to push a bit and see what happens. And so far it's working. I had already started working with him to fall asleep on his own in our room and to stay in the pack and play all night long. So, really it's been a gradual process. Leaving him with other people is a whole different story. We have been taking turns staying with him in the church nursery each week to get him used to it. He's been comfortable playing in there and leaving me to walk around and play. So, this past Sunday, I decided to leave for about 3 min...

Anybody out there still? I've tried to blog, really I have. But life....well it gets in the way of blogging sometimes. So, I turned 31 and celebrated with a few girlfriends since the hubs was out of town that day. The previous weekend we went out with a friend couple- the wife was having a bday too. Both celbrations were delightful and 31 feels like 30. Wait, I take that back, I am more tired now. But I have 2 children now and a year ago I was just filling out the paperwork. So yeah, I am tired but even more blessed than I was a year ago. So much has happened I don't even know where to start. Caleb is in speech therapy twice a week. They'd like to increase to 3 times a week. Hearing test, take 2 is on Monday. Bethy started gymnastics twice a week- loves it. She's a star in the making! Caleb loves to dance. He's a dancing machine. Oh and he learned how to jump. Bethy had allergy testing today. Allergic to trees, dust mites, cats, dogs, and milk. Oh joy! A...

Bethy brought home an art project today with a Humpy Dumpty theme. I asked her some questions about the story and this is how it went: Me: "What happened to Humpty?" B: "He fell down." Me: "What did he fall off of?" B: "A b$%ch" Me: "A what?" B: "A bi%*h" Me: "Oh, a BRIDGE." B: "Yeah, I already said that. A bi!$h."

It's been a month since we boarded a plane for the long flight home. He's gained a a pound. He's learned to eat solid food. He met his sister and many other family and friends. He walks better. He makes new sounds. He signs a few words. He laughs. He doesn't scream when I hold him. Last night I told him it was time for a bath and he pointed towards the bathroom and reached out for me to pick him up- he understands! He goes up to sister's bed before nap time waiting for his kiss from her. He's a sweet, sweet little guy. There were days in the process when I questioned our decision to go down the adoption road but now. Well now, there's this..... There's also the other side of the coin and I never want to dismiss that part because it's a very real part of adoption. There are times that Caleb just cries. A very sad, sad, deep cry. I hold him and rock him and he cries. I wonder what he's thinking but I think I probably know. So, I just tr...

Tuesday was speech therapy for Caleb and the therapist was happy with how much progress he had made in just a few days. He is signing several words and was interactive with her in playing and imitating sounds. We've been working on it a lot at home and are excited to see him learning so much! Yesterday we spent all morning/early afternoon at the International Adoption Clinic at UAB. The clinic specializes in treating children who are adopted from other countries and they were a huge help when we received Caleb's referral. Yesterday we met with a family therapist, an occupational therapist, and a pediatrician. We also had blood drawn at the lab. There were no big surprises which is good. He seems to be adjusting pretty well and behaving as they expect him to. Here are some things we learned. He is at 12-18 months developmentally. He's gained a pound since we got him one month ago. It doesn't look like he has any syndromes associated with his CL/CP. He is probabl...

3 years ago at 6:20 pm after 15 hours of labor followed by an emergency C-section, this beautiful bundle of joy came into our lives. She was 6 lbs. 12 oz. and 19 inches long. Today she is 28 pounds and 30 something inches tall. She can walk, run, jump, climb, do gymnastics tricks, speak very long sentences, knows some of her abc's, some of her numbers, all of her colors and many of the shapes. She likes to make up stories as she "reads" to us from her books. She sings to us and even makes up her own songs. She's very neat and we sometimes find her cleaning up her room. She likes to make parties for us. She builds schools, dams, and houses with all of her "stuff". She can ride a tricycle and a scooter. She swims with floaties on and is trying to swim without them. She says God lives in her heart and tickles her. Her favorite foods are fruit, green beans, chicken, fries, and pizza. She loves going to the pet store to look at the animals. She has many im...

I hit a wall Saturday. I was so sick, tired, frustrated, you name it, I felt it. Bethany had been "mad" at me for days. She kept telling me she didn't love me and didn't want to play with me. Caleb cried/screamed when I held him, only wanted to be with Tom. Things had been getting better before I got sick, but being sick put a temporary stop to the progress. I didn't want to get them sick and I was too exhausted to fully engage with them. I felt helpless and just wanted to crawl in bed and hide under the covers. Fortunately, Tom let me do that Saturday morning. He took the kids to his parents house and I crawled into bed and covered myself in the big, fluffy, down comforter. I needed that time to get over my cold and to get over myself. I prayed a lot. I slept a lot. I thought a lot. I knew that even though I was sick, I needed to suck it up and be present with my family. Even though the kids kept telling me they didn't want to be with me, they needed me to be...

How's it going? It's going ok.... It's really hard to have perspective when you're tired and have a cold. Yup, I picked up a cold along the way so now I'm a sniffling mess. Caleb is mostly happy. He smiles and laughs a lot. He likes to throw things and drop things. He has this mischevious grin- I told Tom, that boy's going to be trouble! ; ) Bethany says Caleb's a Gator. There's no hope for me! I am surrounded by them. I will stand strong though- Seminole forever! Caleb's sleeping in our bed. He cries a lot when we leave him in the pack and play (in our room). We want our sleep and we want him to feel secure so into the bed it is. Rules we had with Bethy don't apply here and that's ok. Caleb likes the car seat, doesn't complain at all. I hope it's always that way but I know better. He's super attached to Tom. When Tom's not around he's attached to me.  : ). He's eaten baby food a couple times which is a huge succes...

Early yesterday morning Bethany said, "You're his parents. You're my parents too." This about sums up our life now. Trying to figure out how to do that and do it well, while coping with jet lag. Our last night, spent in Hong Kong was nice. We saddled Caleb up in the Ergo and headed out on the subway to downtown Hong Kong. We wondered around for a few hours and Caleb didn't make a peep- he was mesmerized! Our last meal was pizza from and Indian woman at a pier in Hong Kong. Go figure! Our flights home went really well. Caleb had only one fairly short screaming fit on the 15 hour flight from Hong Kong to Detroit. Not bad! The rest of the flight, he was great! The only really difficult part was immigrations in Detroit. All in all it took close to an hour and a half to make it through all the steps. Caleb screamed for about an hour of it. We couldn't find hot water to make a bottle. People were staring at us like we were a freak show. The man behind us may...

Hi from Hong Kong! We haven't seen much of it because it was naptime when we got here but what we've seen from the taxi is beautiful. It looks like we won't get to see much while we're here but the Big Buddah statue is across the street and we may venture out that way. Caleb is doing much better with me! Yaaaaaaay! He has let me hold him multiple times and even reached out for me to hold him a few times on the train ride. When we got to the train station this morning, Caleb FREAKED out!!! He screamed and cried almost the whole time until we got on the train and I gave him a bottle. I think maybe he thought we were leaving him. It's hard to not be able to use words to reassure him. Other than that, he's doing great. He really likes dried mango and has been muching on that It's a good step towards eating. He's so funny. He makes this big production out of opening his mouth and taking a bite of whatever we're eating but he either doesn't even put f...

This is our last day in Guangzhou. Yesterday afternoon we went swimming. Caleb was very scared at first but we got him in and he loved it. He stayed in a couple hours. He is rejecting me more and more but this is to be expected and I know it will get better in time.   I took some time yesterday afternoon, while Caleb was sleeping to walk around the island. It really is a beautiful place. For our anniversary dinner, Tom had Subway and I had some spaghetti from Lucy's (a restaurant that has western food). Even though our anniversary dinner was less than "romantic", I am thankful for my husband and for four amazing years. Even though it's not perfect, being in a hotel room with my husband, some average food for dinner, and my newly adopted son is a pretty great way to celebrate the wonderful life God has given us. Hopefully our next four years will be just as fun and full of adventure (minus the adding more kids part). ; )   Caleb's stomach is feeling MUCH better n...

I found a shop with "free internet" on the island. Of course I will buy a little something to be nice. It's very frustrating not having access to internet and skype. At least I found a place to check today. It's very hard for me to not be able to write more often or to see Bethy. I am missing her a lot today. Caleb has been a bit fussier today. He still needs to "do his business". We started giving him medicine to help with that. Hopefully he will feel better after that. He is VERY attached to Tom and never wants me to carry him. He screams if i try. He does like when i feed him and will play with me just fine. I expected this and it doesn't hurt my feelings too much. : ) We had our appointment at the US consulate today and everything was fine. They excused our paperwork error which saved us an extra appointment- we were very lucky! We went to the playroom in the hotel and Caleb had a lot of fun in there. It's interesting to watch him because he ...

I am not even sure what day it is, let alone when the last time I updated the blog. But here we are, alive and thriving. Happy Birthday to my Dad, by the way!! Hard to believe that four years ago we were singing happy birthday to you at our wedding rehearsal dinner and look at us now. Hope you have a great day!! We are doing fabulous. I am not sure when the grieving will come but Caleb is doing wonderfully. Today he is even more playful and smiling. He wants to be held almost all the time but we have been able to put him down some, especially in the hotel room. He is eating ok but we think he may be a bit clogged up so he's not eating as much today. He did eat some watermelon at breakfast this morning which is great since he has little experience eating solid foods. He is sleeping well, makes good eye contact with us, is interested in everything. He hated the bath this morning. He was a wreck during the medical exam today. The medical exam is just simple but he was still terrifie...

Caleb slept for almost four hours yesterday at his nap time. We ended up waking him up. He woke up with no crying and we had a bottle ready for him. I got to hold him and feed him and he did a great job making eye contact with me. At one point he raised his little index finger and I kissed it. A few seconds later he lifted it again and I kissed it again. This became a "game" and he repeated it again when we gave him his night bottle. It was adorable and a great step towards the long journey of attaching. While he was finishing his bottle, Tom started bouncing a beach ball off my head and we got our first Caleb smiles and giggles. He loved it. From there, we continued to play and have fun. We had Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner. Caleb put a fry to his mouth but wouldn't try it. He doesn't eat solid food- obviously something we will be working on once we get home. It really was a dream day. We got to skype with Bethany and my Mom and Bethany was so excited she could h...

Caleb was much warmer towards us this morning. He saw us and knew us. He played with us and we even got some smiles. He was ok as long as we weren't holding him. We didn't push it. There was a lot of paperwork to do. Once the final signature was put on paper, he was officially ours. The handoff was tearful from both Caleb and his orphanage director. She thanked us and we thanked her. He has been so loved. He came with several outfits, new squeaky shoes, a bottle, milk, rice cereal, diapers and toys. We are so blessed by this generosity and love.   He was handed off to Ba Ba (Daddy) and he was very upset. He kept pointing towards the door that his caregivers had gone out of. But as soon as we got in the van, he settled down. He loves the van and all the things he can watch out the windows. Before long he was snoring away on Ba Ba. We stopped to get some food to go and are now at the hotel. Caleb Shen Lai is asleep in his crib. We expect another hour of sleep from him and then...

As soon as I got done post the last post, our phone rang. Go time!   We could hear him crying as we came off the elevator. He took one look at us and started to wail. He cried almost the entire time we were with him and had a horrified look on his face. He took the stickers we brought  but wanted no part of the toys we had. We didn't dare hold him. Tomorrow there will be no option and we hope that once we say goodbye to his orphanage staff that he will be able to calm down and get to know us.   It is a very good sign that he is so attached and loved by his caregivers. This should mean he will be able to attach well to us. His orphanage direcotr brought us a photo album of pictures (she worte a note in the front for him), a jump drive full of even more pictures, a chinese fan, and a large book about the orphanage. She was so kind.   You'll notice in his pictures, that he has a scraped nose- part of life as a boy I suppose! : )   We appreciate your prayers as we get him...