Adoption Agency Meeting
This coming Monday, we'll be attending an informational meeting with an adoption agency. My hope is that this will be the last step before making a final decision about what avenue to pursue for adoption. Once we make the final decision I'll tell you more about the process of how we got there. But for now, just know that there is a lot of praying, thinking, talking, reading, listening, crying, hoping and trusting going on in the Fanning household as we make this big decision.
In case you're curious (I know some of you are because some have already asked), Tom and I knew we would pursue adoption before we even got married. For me personally, I've had a desire to adopt for many, many years. And there wasn't any convincing necessary for Tom to share that desire. Eventually, we'll write more about this and why we chose adoption but feel free to talk to us if you have any questions about it. We would love to share our heart on this matter.
In other news:
Next Wednesday we go back to the doctor for Bethany's follow up for her ear infection. In the last appointment the doctor heard a heart murmur and we are hoping she will not hear it this week. If she does, we're headed to the pediatric cardiologist again. So, keep our little girl in your prayers please.
Oh, and did I mention she is cutting THREE new teeth right now? Ouch!! And we're off today to find "new" shoes for her growing feet. But first I need to get all that green marker off her hands. Bye bye for now!
In case you're curious (I know some of you are because some have already asked), Tom and I knew we would pursue adoption before we even got married. For me personally, I've had a desire to adopt for many, many years. And there wasn't any convincing necessary for Tom to share that desire. Eventually, we'll write more about this and why we chose adoption but feel free to talk to us if you have any questions about it. We would love to share our heart on this matter.
In other news:
Next Wednesday we go back to the doctor for Bethany's follow up for her ear infection. In the last appointment the doctor heard a heart murmur and we are hoping she will not hear it this week. If she does, we're headed to the pediatric cardiologist again. So, keep our little girl in your prayers please.
Oh, and did I mention she is cutting THREE new teeth right now? Ouch!! And we're off today to find "new" shoes for her growing feet. But first I need to get all that green marker off her hands. Bye bye for now!
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Comments
First, if you’re planning to adopt a special-needs child and you have a good idea what you’re getting into, by all means go right ahead, and may your tribe increase. Special needs children are either handicapped, over age two, or part of a sibling group. It is very difficult to find adoptive parents for these children and they tend to languish in foster care. It’s is difficult parenting but very rewarding.
Second, if you’re planning an international adoption you will want to proceed with caution. It can take years, is expensive, and is fraught with problems. There are also extra complications, in that these children are often cared for in orphanages. Even in the best of situations they don’t often get the kind of consistent nurturing that helps the child to learn to bond. In extreme situations these children may not develop the ability to bond. This condition, called reactive attachment disorder, is nearly impossible to treat and children with it are nearly impossible to parent. Proceed cautiously.
Finally, if you’re simply contemplating an old-fashioned infant adoption, I urge you NOT to, unless there is some reason why you are unable to conceive another child. I am approaching this from the perspective of an infertile couple. We have only one child because there were simply not enough babies to go around. I’m sort of OK with that, because the other three babies I would like to have had went to other infertile couples. But even thirty years later I have difficulty with the idea that a couple able to have their own children would consider adopting a baby, thus depriving an infertile couple of the opportunity to parent. Since there is little stigma attached to unwed mothers, very few surrender their babies to adoption. If you want another baby, have one, and be thankful you can.
I don’t mean to sound harsh but this is a perspective you might not have considered, and should. Thank about it and pray about it. Whatever you decide I’ll still love you.
Elaine McCreary
As you can tell, this is - after all these years - a sensitive subject with us. If we're ever face to face, I'll tell you the whole story. It wasn't pretty. Deborah was and still is our greatest blessing, but her "only child" status is still a source of pain.