I Feel Like I'm Pregnant

I feel like I'm pregnant.......

Except I have no heartburn, no trouble sleeping, no swollen feet, no waddle in my walk. What I'm feeling isn't physical but I feel the same emotionally as I did with Bethany.

I remember thinking how weird it was to love someone I hadn't even met. How could I already love her so much? How could I care about her already?

Well, I feel that way about my son. Based on our timeline calculations (which I fully realize could be totally wrong), there's a VERY strong possiblity that our son is already alive and living his life in China. Like the Bible says, I try not to boast about tomorrow, thinking I know where I will go or what will happen. But let's just pretend it all works out..... Then our son exists. And do you know that I feel fiercely protective of him even though I have no control over what happens to him right now? If I could, I would jump on a plane right now and scoop him up and bring him home with me. Cause right now he's teeny tiny and he's going through so much and I just want to love him. Not love him with a feeling inside of me but love him as in be sleep deprived for him, hug him, kiss him, feed him, take him to doctors, research his special need, show him Christ kind of love him.
I know he won't love us at first. Who would blame him? It's going to be traumatic and difficult being taken from everything familiar. But I pray that with time, he will love us and come to know the one who first loved us.
I love ya little man and we'll be there as soon as we can!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's a Boy!!!!!

Image
We knew all weeked that the new list was coming out on Monday night. I got more and more nervous as we got closer. By Tuesday morning, I was popping the pepto bismal chewables-heartburn which I have only had one other time (at the end of my pregnancy). There was no guarantee we would even receive a referral off the list, but we were hopeful. Tuesday morning I took Bethany to church for mother's morning out, nervously bought soap and 75% of Valentine's conversaion hearts at Target, and then I went to Panera and got a fruit punch. I set up my laptop, put my phone on the table, and nervously surfed the web until I couldn't handle it anymore. The wait was getting to me. I headed out of Panera and spilled my drink all over the place. Smooth one Katie. I got in my car and headed to the beach. Didn't get very far.....my phone rang......."Holt"........ I pulled over and it was THE call! 11:00am on February 22 Caleb became part of our family. We proudly introduce you...
Read more

Happy 16th Birthday Caleb!!

Image
Happy 16th Birthday Caleb!! You are close to 5'5" and still growing. You finished 10th grade, and continued to rock it, excelling in a very challenging set of classes! You passed three more AP classes and several dual enrollment courses as well.  You were in the SAIL (AP Program), AP Capstone Club, Mu Alpha Theta (Math honor society), ASL Honor Society, Science National Honor Society, Beta Club, and marching band. You placed third in the state for the Beta Convention Math Competition. You started a countywide club called BAM (Bay Area Mathematicians).  You are in your 11th year of playing piano and were accepted into the University of Florida International Piano Festival with partial scholarship and the FSU Piano Institute. You chose FSU for the third year. You were part of a masterclass with the Gulf Coast College Professors. You were chosen to perform at the Bay Education Foundation Arts Alive fundraiser dinner.  You were selected as the pianist for the all county band ...
Read more

Happy 17th Birthday Bethany!

Image
  Happy 17th Birthday Bethany!!! You are about 5'2" but really you're like 5'1.5"! Small but mighty! You finished your junior year of high school and are entering your SENIOR YEAR!!! You had a very challenging academic course load but you soared and earned your AP Capstone diploma. You were part of a lot of clubs including one that you started called Kards for Kids that makes cards for kids in the hospital. You are also part of the SAIL program, AP Capstone, Mu Alpha Theta, Tri M, Science National Honor Society, National Honor Society, ASL Honor Society, and Next Gen. You were section leader this year for band and had a solo in the marching show. You earned a superior at district and state solo and ensemble and another superior for a duet at district solo ensemble. You made 2nd chair all county.  You continued to be a part of the Teen Outreach Committee with St. Andrew Bay Estuary. You were selected as one of your school's two nominees for Sunshine State Schol...
Read more