Conversations
You know how there are certain conversations you will never forget? Some are really great and some are really horrible.
I'll never forget my first conversation with Tom. It was amazing and I knew that night he would be the one. I'll never forget the conversation on a retreat with middle school youth where we stayed up way past lights out to answer deep questions and several came to know the Lord that night. I'll never forget one of my best friends calling while I was in labor to tell me about Ellie, her now adopted daughter who is just weeks older than my Bethy. There are so many other happy conversations too.
And there are the sad ones.... I remember finding out a friend who I met while I was sick and in the hospital had lost her fight with cancer. I remember the call the night of July 4th when I learned that a family in our church had been in a horrific accident. I remember conversations that changed friendships, ended relationships, and conversations where my words hurt others.
And last night I added one to a mixed category. A place in between good and bad. But in the moment it was very sad and here's how it went:
Bethy (carrying a rock inside a plastic bowl): This is a present for Caleb
Me: That's so sweet. You can give it to him when he gets here.
*My memory gets fuzzy here because I had no idea where the conversation was going so I didn't pay close attention. But I said something about me and Tom being Caleb's Mommy and Daddy.
Bethy: No! Caleb's Mommy and Daddy live in China.
Me: *Deep Breath* Well, let me explain it to you. See, Caleb's Mommy and Daddy aren't able to take care of him. So that's why Caleb is going to come and be part of our family. He will call me Mommy just like you do. But I will always be your mommy and you will always be my daughter.
From here on out, she pretty much just cried as I tried to reassure her. I could visibly see her heartache. It's one thing to share toys, but shairng your Mommy and Daddy is a whole new ball game. I cried with her. It's a bit sad to me too. I know that adding another family member will divide my attention. While I am confident I have enough love to go around, I know that my relationship with Bethy will never be exactly the same as it is now. I believe it's ok to acknowledge and grieve that. So that's what her and I did last night. And then we went and ate tacos with Daddy and laughed and played.
I've thought a lot about this and I think it will be difficult to ever fully explain this to a 2 1/2 year old. So my plan is to just focus on the fact that she gets a brother. And if it comes up again we'll talk about it and even cry about it if we need to. Cause that's just what girls do! : )
Don't forget to order your shirts. Click here for the post that explains it all.
I'll never forget my first conversation with Tom. It was amazing and I knew that night he would be the one. I'll never forget the conversation on a retreat with middle school youth where we stayed up way past lights out to answer deep questions and several came to know the Lord that night. I'll never forget one of my best friends calling while I was in labor to tell me about Ellie, her now adopted daughter who is just weeks older than my Bethy. There are so many other happy conversations too.
And there are the sad ones.... I remember finding out a friend who I met while I was sick and in the hospital had lost her fight with cancer. I remember the call the night of July 4th when I learned that a family in our church had been in a horrific accident. I remember conversations that changed friendships, ended relationships, and conversations where my words hurt others.
And last night I added one to a mixed category. A place in between good and bad. But in the moment it was very sad and here's how it went:
Bethy (carrying a rock inside a plastic bowl): This is a present for Caleb
Me: That's so sweet. You can give it to him when he gets here.
*My memory gets fuzzy here because I had no idea where the conversation was going so I didn't pay close attention. But I said something about me and Tom being Caleb's Mommy and Daddy.
Bethy: No! Caleb's Mommy and Daddy live in China.
Me: *Deep Breath* Well, let me explain it to you. See, Caleb's Mommy and Daddy aren't able to take care of him. So that's why Caleb is going to come and be part of our family. He will call me Mommy just like you do. But I will always be your mommy and you will always be my daughter.
From here on out, she pretty much just cried as I tried to reassure her. I could visibly see her heartache. It's one thing to share toys, but shairng your Mommy and Daddy is a whole new ball game. I cried with her. It's a bit sad to me too. I know that adding another family member will divide my attention. While I am confident I have enough love to go around, I know that my relationship with Bethy will never be exactly the same as it is now. I believe it's ok to acknowledge and grieve that. So that's what her and I did last night. And then we went and ate tacos with Daddy and laughed and played.
I've thought a lot about this and I think it will be difficult to ever fully explain this to a 2 1/2 year old. So my plan is to just focus on the fact that she gets a brother. And if it comes up again we'll talk about it and even cry about it if we need to. Cause that's just what girls do! : )
Don't forget to order your shirts. Click here for the post that explains it all.
Comments
One thing that you're absolutely right about is that you will have more than enough love to go around, in fact, your love grows exponentially with your new addition :)