Not Perfect, But Beautiful!

I hit a wall Saturday. I was so sick, tired, frustrated, you name it, I felt it. Bethany had been "mad" at me for days. She kept telling me she didn't love me and didn't want to play with me. Caleb cried/screamed when I held him, only wanted to be with Tom. Things had been getting better before I got sick, but being sick put a temporary stop to the progress. I didn't want to get them sick and I was too exhausted to fully engage with them. I felt helpless and just wanted to crawl in bed and hide under the covers. Fortunately, Tom let me do that Saturday morning. He took the kids to his parents house and I crawled into bed and covered myself in the big, fluffy, down comforter. I needed that time to get over my cold and to get over myself. I prayed a lot. I slept a lot. I thought a lot. I knew that even though I was sick, I needed to suck it up and be present with my family. Even though the kids kept telling me they didn't want to be with me, they needed me to be with them.

That afternoon, Bethany and I went on a girls only date. We saw Winnie the Pooh and ate Chick Fil A and it was simply wonderful. That evening I rocked Caleb to sleep and worked hard on connecting with him through eye contact and singing. Saturday was a turning point.

Bethany has been so much friendlier and connected to me since then. We've played with her dollhouse in the master bedroom closet. We've cuddled together. We've made playdough creations. We've gone for tricycle rides.

Caleb is thriving. I have been able to get him to eat many different soft foods and he even took a bottle of regular milk as opposed to formula. He still prefers Tom when he's home but enjoys being around me and loves when I feed him. I am also the one who gets him to sleep each night. He has learned the sign for "more" and is working on "milk". We can tell he is trying to say words and sometimes it sounds like he actually says something.

Tom is back at work halftime and we seem to be on a good schedule now. Bethany has been super sick the past few days but seems to be better today. I hate when she gets sick because her asthma makes it so difficult for her. But a trip to the doctor confirmed that her lungs and ears are clear and there are no signs of infection so all is well!

There are still times when both are crying at once or there aren't enough hands to go around. Caleb and Bethy get mad at each other. The house seems to get messier more quickly than it did three weeks ago. It's not perfect. But one thing I've learned in life is that it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.

We haven't had to cook since we've been home. That's what the love of a church family feels like. We have been so loved and supported in so many ways. Encouraging words, prayers, food, visits, etc. We are so thankful.

Caleb goes to the pediatrician Friday and to the international adoption clinic next week. That will tell us more about how he's doing and what the future his for his care. Thanks again for your support! What a wonderful journey this is!